dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
