just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
