I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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