Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
