we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
