im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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