i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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