im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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