to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
