i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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