weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
