I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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