It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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