I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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