guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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