Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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