the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
