what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
