my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
