He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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