okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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