I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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