I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
