So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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