I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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