I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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