dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
