the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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