I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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