it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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