You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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