Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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