Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
