I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
