I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
