I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
