remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Randomize
