when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
