It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
