you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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