Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
