oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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