Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
