why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's official drugs can't kill me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Randomize
