i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize