God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i out mim tonsoeep
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