That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
