I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
