yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
