So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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