i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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