Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
