There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My apartment stinks of burning failure
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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