she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
