fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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