Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
