No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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