Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
