I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
