My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it glows. i had to have it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
