guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
