My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Mom said you looked used
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
