all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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