it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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