Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
