Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
