Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
