Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize