1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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